Lines (Part I: Lust)

Preface: This is the first of two posts on drawing lines for lust and sex. I am addressing the audience of young, unmarried Christians. To any ladies reading, I'm sorry if I approach the discussion from a distinctly male point of view—it's difficult to help. I'll try to make cases generic when possible.

As Christians, we need to draw lines for ourselves in order to remain pure. We use the Bible, reliable advice, and our own discernment to see the boundaries in which we are free to enjoy the good things God has given to us. When it comes to sex, the lines are black and white for some. Others seem to have drawn no lines at all.

The lines that have been drawn for me by my family and church boil down to these points:

1. No lust for anyone but your wife.
2. No sex before marriage.

Black and white, perhaps, yet I feel that the lines are several paces in width, so that I can step onto the line and wander around inside it before crossing. In other words, I see a lot of room for interpretation. Those who are happy with these thick black lines may find little of value in my thoughts here. To those who may be searching for their own lines within these bands, I hope this process is helpful.

So what is lust?

"A strong sexual desire?"

"Having a craving, appetite, or great desire for..."

... sex? Frankly, I regularly find myself with a craving, an appetite, even a "great desire" for sex, and I don't think I'm the only one, in the ranks of post-pubescent humans, certainly. God designed our sexuality, and it wouldn't work without this strong drive. It's normal to feel a desire for sex.

Let's look at The Lust Passage:

You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  (Matt. 5:27-28)

Taken in context, and provided that we agree on the definition of adultery, what the Bible condemns here is lust directed by a married man at a woman to whom he is not married (and vice versa, I imagine). For the purpose of this discussion, let's adopt this definition of lust, and assume that it extends to everyone, regardless of their marital status.

So, don't direct a strong sexual desire at someone who isn't your spouse. But what's a "strong sexual desire?"

Let's establish some bounds. Here are some examples that I hope we can agree are out of bounds: entertaining a sexual fantasy about a particular man; masturbating while viewing the image of a particular woman. These involve explicit sexual actions associated with a particular person. What about the other end of the spectrum? I hope we can agree that seeing a clothed person and appreciating that they are attractive is outside the scope of lust. So where do we draw the line between these two?

Some men seem to be terrified to even lay eyes upon an attractive woman. The book Every Man's Battle describes a technique of "bouncing your eyes" to avoid lust, which involves recursively looking away from any tempting imagery until one's eyes land on something non-tempting. There is a popular enumeration of areas of bodies (women's especially) of which the viewing seems to automatically constitute lust. "You looked at her breasts?" That's lust. "You looked at his butt?" Lust.

I believe there is room for Christians to appreciate the beauty of the human body. It's lovely! God created it, after all. Should young people be burdened with guilt that they are attracted to members of the opposite sex—that it is impure for them to acknowledge that, yes, she is very pretty (and for the ladies, yes, he is a fine-looking man). We're all attracted to certain things about the opposite sex; why require such a dishonest and unnatural cover-up?

These are some of the reasons I have chosen to draw my line even past the boundary of clothing. I don't have a conviction from God that looking at a beautiful, naked woman is the same as looking at her "lustfully". A lot of people have trouble with this because they have come to associate "nakedness" (usually the absence of clothing from very specific parts of the body: another fine line) with sex. So it is impossible for some people to see a naked body without thinking "Sex.  Sex, sex, sex..."

For me, this is a choice. I can choose to revel in the beauty of a person and her body without taking the next step and thinking, "If I could, I would... and then I would..." The temptation to lust is present whether or not a girl is wearing clothes. I choose to respect her as a beautiful woman in any case.

That is where I currently draw my line, and between me and God, this is an acceptable limit. I have occasionally stepped over this limit, sometimes by spending inordinate amounts of time staring at photos of women, sometimes by looking at images that go beyond showcasing the simple beauty of the female form. In these cases I abuse the freedom God has given me to appreciate female beauty.

I hope people take the opportunity to look deeper into the Bible to determine the location of their lust line. I think it's sad if Christians are saddled with guilt when we should have freedom in Christ. As I conclude, I should emphasize that where you draw your line is ultimately between you and God. I have a friend in med school who draws his line at the illustrations of bodies in his textbooks because, to him, stepping further isn't worth the risk. If the temptation to lust presented by part of a clothed or unclothed body is more than you can stand, you will draw your line in a different place.

Next — What is "sex?"