So, I asked myself, why did I feel so embarrassed about watching that erotic dance scene? Would I have stopped the film there had I been watching it alone?
First, let's talk about the idea of unmarried people learning about sex.
I've seen video with more graphic displays than that dance while alone. If you've read my post on lust, you'll know that I believe that there is a difference between viewing a naked body, or even viewing depictions of sexual acts, and sinning due to lust. I admit that I have failed to draw the line at times, and have been irresponsible in my viewing of sexual imagery. I acknowledge the power of such imagery and the danger of abusing it and becoming addicted to it. However, I maintain the position that viewing “pornography” may be acceptable for a person who is honestly curious about the mechanics or physiology of sex.
Our society is obsessed with sex, yet at the same time is terrified of exposing young people to anything sexual. In my experience, sex education (both at school and in my family) has provided the essential information to understand sex as a method of reproduction. I'm thankful for that, but am beginning to wonder if it is adequate. As Christians, we value maintaining sexual purity until marriage, which typically means no sex. Again, I'm on board. But it seems to also translate into no seeing sex and no talking about sex. “You shouldn't even be thinking about sex!”
I would say that my family is uncomfortable with talking candidly about sex. We likely assume that if sex happens after marriage, there shouldn't be anything to talk about for unmarried people. During my early adolescence I found the courage to ask my dad about masturbation. I remember him reacting with mild disgust—perhaps embarrassment—and asking me where I had heard the word, as if, under ideal circumstances, the idea would have never occurred to me and we wouldn't be talking about it.
I think it's fair to say that even if adolescents decide to abstain from sexual contact until marriage, they are still going to spend some time thinking about sex. Speaking as an unmarried twenty-something-year-old whose sex drive has been running full tilt for almost a decade, if I can't have sex in God's will until I marry, I'd at least like to know a thing or two about it in the meantime. I find it difficult to expect people who don't marry for ten years after puberty to completely deny their undeniable sexuality, including their curiosity about the opposite sex and sexual relations.
I read an opinion recently that suggests not only sexual abstinence before marriage, but also "emotional" abstinence before "betrothal." To quote a portion of the article:
Thus, my children do not participate in dating. Ideally, they don t even allow themselves to dream about romantic relationships.
So the ideal in this case is to suppress all sexual thoughts and (if I read right) even any dreams of future romance. Is this the model of purity to which the Bible calls us? Parents had better start tearing out Song of Solomon from their teens' Bibles; they wouldn't want to put any thoughts into those innocent little minds about how passionate and pleasurable God's design for romance and sex might be.
I realize that this article on The Onion is exaggerated satire based on the idea that abstaining from sex before marriage will make you an incompetent lover. But seriously, following these 200% abstinence ideologies, isn't there risk in entering a full-on sexual relationship overnight, not only completely ignorant of your sexuality and that of your spouse but possibly very embarrassed about the whole idea of sex, having never before considered or openly discussed the topic. To me, these two problems combined could be enough to seriously damage the sex life of a newlywed couple.
The other trouble with not allowing—even encouraging—open dialog about sex in a Christian household is that the answers kids don't find at home (or are too embarrassed to ask) will likely be found through ill-informed chatter with peers or in the skewed, perverted representations in TV shows, music, or porn.
Fortunately for me, I feel that I've come to a balanced view of sex, considering my relatively inexperienced point in life, and I credit this to weighing what I've heard and seen about sex in today's culture against what I know about it from the Bible. I don't have the fullness of experience to say for sure, but I think I'm better informed and prepared for a sexual relationship with my wife (should I eventually marry) because of some of the material I've read and the images and video that I've viewed, in conjunction with the truth of God's word and my relationship with him.
Now that I come to it, I'm amazed at how much I know about sex from the Bible. Still, I think part of this knowledge has come from exposure to sex, coupled with dialogue, prayer, and scripture. That seems like learning that should be facilitated by a Christian household.
So, if I'm such a libertarian, why did I turn off the racy dance scene?
If I allow myself to be exposed to sexual imagery, and claim that it has been part of a valuable learning experience, why would I turn off a sexually suggestive scene when watching a movie with my family?
This may seem counterintuitive, but my various exposure to topics and imagery of nudity and sex (again, based on my Christian faith) have given me an immense respect for God's institution of marriage and married sex. I'm saddened and disgusted when I see a display like Mimi's that glorifies promiscuity and degrades women by portraying them as sex objects.
It's one thing for me to see a scene like that alone and realize that it's degrading. Honestly, that may have been the end of the movie even if I hadn't been watching it with my family. But there's an extra connotation when you sit beside your younger brother silently as a woman parades herself as a product to be consumed; there's an implication as you say nothing that this is acceptable. As a person concerned about sexual purity, and as a brother striving to set an example, I had to make it clear that this was not right, and I chose to say it by turning off the TV.
Maybe I'm setting a double standard by censoring for my brother something that I consider myself able to "handle." Maybe rather than stopping the movie it would have been more consistent to talk through the messages being conveyed by the drama, to make sure that we were all on the same page, or that we were at least being critical of what we were seeing.
I think I'm struggling with Christian freedom: how I can do certain things in good conscience that may be stumbling blocks for another Christian. I seem to remember Paul having a thing or two to say about that...
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